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nikk

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2022 is about to end, and I don't miss it at all.

It's been a long time since I wrote something like this. Since entering the industry in 2017, it seems that the theme every year has been anxiety. When I don't make money, I want to make money, and when I do make money, I wonder why I'm making so little. It's not that I'm not anxious this year, but 2022 seems to be worse than any other year in the past, yet I can somehow feel some internal changes and forces happening. Today, I suddenly thought, if I were to die in 2023, I hope people can see what I was thinking at 31 years old. So I decided to write.

Since I can remember, no year has passed as quickly as this year. I don't know how historians will write about 2022 in several years, but at least for me, it feels like an empty year. It's not like when I was a student, when every day was so similar and the rare emotions outside of class had a profound impact on my future life. It's not like the first two years of working as a consultant, when everything was full of novelty and curiosity, and every little wonderful or awkward thing was cherished in my heart. It's not even like the first two years of entering the industry, when I saw the vastness of the world beyond myself every day, and eagerly tried to get to know everyone and participate in every activity. This bear market is also not like the previous one, when I went in and out of the office every day, not having much to do but still enjoying researching and learning. It's not even like the more than twenty months of bull market, where the drastic changes in wealth every day made me excited and happy about my perceived achievements. And 2022, it's empty. I can't even find a suitable footnote to describe it. After the new year, when I thought the world was going to improve symmetrically, our side chose to tilt, resulting in a two-month lockdown, a battle that we won but left me sleepless, studying almost all the immigration policies of various countries in those two months, and still tracking them to this day, able to give immigration advice to different people. And then, I heard the sad news of a young elder's passing, a senior I respected. And then, I experienced firsthand the gap between China and the United States in the crypto world that had been formed over the three years of the pandemic, from east to west. And then, from 3AC to LUNA to FTX, everything is like a dream. And then, the asymmetric world seems to never converge. One end of the world is witnessing the twilight of the gods in Qatar, as well as the coronation of the king, while the other end of the world is suffering from the short pain that the rest of the world has experienced over the past year. And then, today, I look back on this empty year.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about whether the pinnacle of this world's glory has already happened in the past, and whether our generation is fortunate or unfortunate. After all, from prehistory to the Industrial Revolution, the world's per capita GDP didn't change much, and the wave of globalization after World War II, thanks to the Atlantic Charter of the United Kingdom and the United States, has swept the world for more than eighty years, with the wave of representative democracy spreading globally, and democracy in some regions has become counterfeit, such as the democratic dictatorship of socialist countries. When Sweden began to guard against the dualism of culture, when South America's fake democracy went through revolution after revolution, when the major Eastern powers amended their constitutions one after another, when the world police decided to no longer pursue hegemony in the name of freedom, financial practitioners benefited from it. I always wonder, will this world still be good? If the turning point happened in the not-so-distant 2018 or 2019, would the bear market at that time still be so painful for us?

For some unknown reason, I've been lazy this year, and I've chosen a simple way to deal with the fact that I can't make money. I'm not anxious, nor am I in a hurry. However, this year has been the biggest loss in the five years I've been in this industry. If I could go back to the crazy ICO period at the end of 2017 and tell my past self that I would lose so much money in 2022, I guess my past self would say, "Damn, I don't need money. I can buy whatever I like. Who needs a bicycle?" So I guess that's why I can face it relatively calmly now. After all, I feel that I desire money but not to such a great extent. I am someone who values inner feelings more. The fortune teller said that my wealth is limited in these years. Money is wealth, women are wealth, and focusing on one means losing the other. In a marriage between two people, I believe that in the seventh year of the itch, I experienced a long period of darkness. In the relatively independent period of my marriage, I experienced pain, got stuck in my own thoughts, felt disappointed and hopeful, and went through ups and downs. Until later, I suddenly realized that there is no true intimate relationship in this world. No matter how close you are to someone, in the end, you are facing yourself. The greatest meaning is to make yourself happy in the present moment. And then I understood that having too many demands and hopes for others is actually self-inflicted torture. In the end, in a relationship, it's the best to have someone who is willing to talk to you calmly, and you are willing to listen to me. That's the most beautiful thing.

Thinking about this, it seems that 2022 has passed like a vacuum in time, but the feelings haven't. For example, in Qingdao, during the most familiar season, I walked with a friend I hadn't seen in almost ten years, chatting about these years, about you, me, him, her, and them. That afternoon, when I saw my friend in a cafe, my friend was focused on writing. I sat behind for a while before being noticed, and the first thing my friend said was, "You haven't changed at all." Then we talked like we did several years ago, and then I listened to Ceng Yike's songs for several days. Another example is when I ran to Hunan to attend a friend's wedding. Although I was given a red code by Hunan and had to hurriedly leave, the long conversation that lasted all night and the fact that we hadn't seen each other for six years, we didn't even have a hug. When I saw him, he just said, "You're here?" and handed me a cigarette. Then we talked like we did several years ago, and then I looked at old photos from university for a long time. These feelings are real and warm, not empty. They have brought stability to the chaos that has arisen in the past few years because of this market. And I think that's pretty good.

Finally, let's talk about something related to work. Actually, I've been trading coins for more than five years. Except for being a market maker, I've experienced all kinds of trading strategies. After being cut in various ways for so long, I still don't know how to answer when someone asks me, "What do you do?" When I don't feel like talking, I say I'm doing MLM. When I feel like chatting, I tell people that I'm a hustler: I do everything, blow some smoke when I need to, lick the project team when I need to give them money, lick my friends when I need to do some work, and open Binance when I need to lose money. After five years, besides a certain degree of material improvement, what's more important is that as an ordinary person from an ordinary family with a poor education and a bad image, it's hard to meet so many outstanding people in other industries and update my understanding and knowledge so quickly. So, I am extremely grateful to Satoshi Nakamoto, because of him, we have Vitalik, and because of him, we have my faith in Ethereum. Like the inscription on the sign hanging at the entrance of the bull's house, "Thank you Satoshi, Whoever you are."

I've rambled on for so long, and there's no central idea, but I still remember at the end of 2018, I wrote a summary of Neo's ecosystem called "Before the Dawn at the Darkest Hour" in Neo. In the previous cycle, the end of 2018 was not the arrival of dawn. The real darkest moment was in 2019, when countless days when you could buy BTC for three or four thousand dollars gave birth to the fundamentals of DeFi Summer: Compound/Uniswap/Balancer, and so on. Although it's likely that 2023 will also be a difficult year, I hope everyone can live to see ETH at 10K and BTC at 100K. I also hope that the best of the world is not in the past but in the future. And I hope we can cherish the people and cats around us.

I'll end with a photo of my desktop at this moment. 2023, let's go.
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